How to make lemonade with shriveled lemons...

I suppose life is what you make of it. Sometimes life deals you a winning hand and sometimes you feel like should have folded the moment the cards were dealt. I have to wonder: the way my life turned out was predestined, or was it random? or what could i have done to make better choices? I lost my job in 1993 (downsized) divorced in 1994 after 9 1/2 years of marriage to a man with a peter pan complex. he said the same while i grew up. he was a musician, he like the bar scenes, the weekend drinking/pot use. i did not. I had 2 children to guide. He had 2 major car accidents that dealt with alcohol, increasingly drug use and the lack of desire to work a regular job verses playing in a band. after much heartache, i divorced. i am catholic and to me marriage was a commitment for life. The divorce came and went and i moved on to the next stage of the "no child support...working 3 jobs...etc but i survived...in 2000 met a good man. Jack...after 16 months we married in June 2001..my second his 1st.and for over 3 years was happy...then tragedy struck..may 10 2004 he had a stroke..

Hannah Thompson shifted on the lumpy mattress and tried to turn over without waking Mackenzie, her 8 month old sister. The flashing Budweiser neon sign illuminated the room making sleep difficult plus it was hot. The small room air conditioner barely blew out cool air but the hum of the motor kept her thoughts from wondering. She smelt the sour smell of Mackenzie and felt her stomach roll. Mackenzie had cried nonstop for 3 hours, and threw up what she had for lunch. Hannah changed her and wiped her off the best she could be that Marisa, mother extraordinaire, could not be bothered. Hannah felt a tear escape and roll down her chin; with one hand she angrily brushed it away: crying would not help her now. It did not help when Judge Pate ordered her and her 7 siblings back in the custody of their lazy, demonized mother. The last 3 months of anger management classes, parenting classes and AA meetings seemed for nothing. She’s the same as she was prior to the fire that destroyed their apartment and their lives. Three months ago, on Marisa’s 33rd birthday, she left them alone to go out partying with her friends: nothing unusual about that. She did it all the time. However, this night, a major storm swept thru and lightening hit the 2 story apartment. It burned to the ground before the fire fighters got there. No one wondered how all the residents made it out alive; Marisa would know if she had not been so wasted that night. She would have known that Hannah had a “vision” and because of that vision, her neighbors were spared. Again had she not have been so wasted she would have known Hannah had this knowledge before she went out that night and did not even try to stop her from going out that fateful night. Hannah shivered. She hoped Marisa never found out or there would be hell to pay. If Marisa knew she had could have prevented her being arrested, brought in for child neglect and her “things” gone up in flames, there would be no end to the “punishment” Marisa would inflict upon her first born. She got up, tiptoed out of the hot, stuffy room and made her way to the bathroom down the hall. Already back in the loving arms of her demon mom it was as if the last 3 months did not happen. No longer did they live in a nice 3 bedroom apartment, even if it did house the “hold” and Marisa’s other “toys” for punishment; but a dump. Again, her fault, if Marisa thought back on that night. Hannah hoped there was a God and not let Marisa figure out she could have prevented Marisa’s fall from grace. Hannah’s believe in God was on shaky ground right now. How could God let them go back to a mom who abuses them and neglects them all because she was their mom? It did not make sense to her but what did she know? However, she did ask God to forgive her for saying Hell. The bathroom was dark; the light bulb blew as soon as she flicked the walls switch. Finished, she tried to flush the commode and it did not work. She turned on the water faucet and washed her hands and flicked water on her face to cool her down. She turned her way down the hall to go back to their bedroom when she heard a low murmur coming from the front of the apartment. She tip toed down the hall careful to control her breathing, did not want to have Marisa catch her. She could see, from her spot in the dimly lit hallway, Marisa, another woman and a man, sitting around the kitchen table, drinking and smoking. The haze of the smoke in the kitchen indicated they have been there a good while. Their voices were low but Hannah could hear them. Her blood froze as the words registered in her mind. Her mom was negotiating with some man over the price of two of her daughters. Hannah could not hear which one over the roar of the blood rushing to her head. She could only hear a word or phrase not the whole conversation. She bit her lip hard to make sure she was awake and not having a nightmare. Hannah tiptoed closer and kneeled down behind the bar, trying to control her breathing. She did not think they could hear her breathing for they appeared drunk. Marisa said. “Now, Derrick, once I hand over Dakota and Hayden, my debt to you is cleared. I no longer owe you 10000. Then I am moving out of this god forsaken city and heading toward Nevada.” The man laughed, “Yeah baby, I hear you. When will you get your girls? This couple is looking forward to them” and both laughed. Hannah shivered; she could feel the evil emanating from them. Now, I told you, I got to get that apartment from a friend of mine and pretend it is mine so the nosy social workers will be convinced I have a good environment for my little darlings. This will be done on Friday afternoon. Hannah was puzzled; not understanding her mother’s deviousness. The social worker, yesterday, took them to this totally cool apartment that had 3 bedrooms, nice furniture, clean and welcoming. The social worker was impressed; Hannah would see that. However, she along with her sisters, Madison and Hayden did not believe the ruse Marisa was fabricating. There was no way Marisa lived I this apartment, but who would believe her. Marisa showed the social worker some papers and the social worker appeared satisfied and left shortly. Marisa made them wait over an hour ad rustled them out to a beat up light green van to this rundown 2 bedroom apartment in downtown Columbia. No way would the social worker leave them alone in this dirty, no furniture except a lumpy couch, small television and thread bare carpet stained with numerous spots of god knows what. Not wanting to be seen, Hannah swiftly tipped back to her room, trembling. What on earth was she going to do? Visions of Hayden and Dakota, her younger sisters, being in the company of a man give her such an uneasy feeling. Nothing came via her “visions: but the feeling could not be ignored. As in the past, her listening and acting upon her instincts saved them in the past. Hannah closed the bedroom door and May her way I the dark to her side of the bed. She almost jumped out of her skin when Madison spoke quietly from her side of the queen size bed. “We have got to leave, now as soon as possible; or Hayden and Dakota will die.” Hannah did not even question Madison’s comment; she too used to her “knowing”: that was one of her “gifts” or curse. Over the years, Madison, 8 years old, had taken a lot of bullying over the years for being different. “Spooky Madison and Hannah” was a comment taunt. So, they each learned to play down their different abilities. Hannah was not sure what Hayden's talent, if she had one or not. “Yeah I know. Go back to sleep, tomorrow is going to be a long day.” Hannah mumbled, pulling the thin blanket up to her chin; she was cold and it had nothing to do with the temperature.
Hannah’s eyes popped open before Mackenzie stirred for her morning bottle. She had a restless night and had a terrible headache on top of being sleepy. She tip toed to the kitchen careful not to wake Marisa. She opened the refrigerator for a bottle she made the night before and placed it in the microwave to get the chill off the bottle. Hannah grimaced as she looked around the room: the beer cans, the overflowing ashtrays and the empty fast food wrappers. She saw her Marisa’s wallet, sitting among the rubble. Hannah peeped inside and found crisp new money and several credit cards in different names. Without a hesitation, Hannah scoop up the credit card and half the money, tucked it in her panties, placed the wallet back where she found it. Hannah did not think Marisa would know some of the money was missing because she was wasted the night before plus the money was very crisp and hand not been counted. The microwave dinged and got the bottle, shaking it as she went back to her room. The door to Marisa’s room was closed but she could hear the sound of the hair dryer being used. It was odd. Marisa did not wake up before noon. The three months they were in foster care, she must have had to learn new habits: like getting up early to go to work. Wonders will never cease. She barely closed the door before the Marisa door flung open. She could hear her humming. Hannah felt her stomach drop: that was not a good sign. Hayden was beside the door when Hannah came back in and was envolped into a ferocious bear hug. “Please Hannah don’t let me go with that man. He will hurt me.” She was crying, snot running down her nose. Hannah glanced at Madison who shook her head. Hayden also had the same type of talent as Madison: very interesting. “yuck.” Hannah groaned. I hate snot on my shirt.” I am sorry sniffed Hayden, stuttering slightly. Oh lord, Hannah groaned inwardly. For 3 months now, Hayden’s stuttering went away. Now, less than one day in Marisa’s presence the stuttering was back. What on earth was she going to do? Hannah gave the bottle to Mackenzie who was looking around with her bright blue eyes. She grabbed it eagerly and sucked the warm milk. The door opened and Hannah turned around to find Marisa glaring at her. Hannah swallowed, the money digging into her stomach, a reminder of her actions. Marisa was dressed in a demure black dressed down to her knees, black hose, flat black shoes, her curly black hair smoothed and in a pony tail, her make up almost non-existent. Who was this? She looked like what Hannah imagined her mom could be.”Nice huh?” Marisa sneered. I want you to keep these brats quiet and out of sight. I have a business deal that is going to make me some money and I do not want you to screw it up. Do you understand? Marisa grabbed Hannah’s chin and nodded Hannah’s head. Hannah tried not to grimace for it hurt and she knew a bruise will follow. “Yes sweetie, I am in the money now and I have to thank my precious beautiful children. Marisa laughed; chills ran up Hannah’s back. “Do not mess it up little missy or hell will pay.” Hannah broke free and sat down on the bed; rubbing her chin. “You think that hurts? Mess this up and you will find out what pain will be. Just because I do not have my “special” toys do not mean I do not have others I can use.” With that, Marisa flounced out the room. : flounced? What kind of word was that? But that was how it looked. Marisa looked back” now remember, keep inside and be quiet.” It was all she could do to not cry. She had 7 pairs of eyes looking to her for help: Madison, Hayden, and Dakota, the twins: Kayla and McKay, Schuster and Mackenzie. She changed Mackenzie’s dirt diaper, holding her breath and vowing never ever have kids. She rolled it up and gave it to Madison to throw it away, also holding her nose. “What did you eat? Hannah asks Mackenzie who grinned and rolled over on to her knees. “Ok big girl, I will pick up for just a minute.” Madison helped the others out of the bed and into the bathroom. Hannah walked back to the kitchen with Mackenzie on her hips, hoping Marisa had left and most of all not noticed the money and the credit card missing from the wallet. Whew, she was gone and the wallet. The fast food wrappers were still there, naturally, what would it take to toss it to the trash? Oh yeah were talking about Marisa here. She handled Mackenzie off to Madison and proceeded to clean off the table and find something for them to eat. She lucked up and found loaf a bread, pop tarts and milk. She poured the milk in the plastic glasses, and waited for the bread to pop up from the old looking toaster. She placed the toast on the paper plates and Hayden buttered them. Hannah placed the plates on the table and helped all her sisters around the table. Hannah looked at her sisters and felt love for them filled her frightened heart and anger at Marisa. Hannah grabbed a piece of toast and made her way to Marisa’s room, determined to find that box that held all the important papers Marisa kept close to her at all times. Without hesitation she opened Marisa’s bedroom door, confident she will find something in there to help them out of the mess. Time was ticking and Hannah had to find a way out of this. She stood in shock. Never had she see her mother’s room this neat and clean. A big queen size bed with red bedspread, mirror ceiling, a plush white rug and several cameras, lights and at least 3 computers. She closed her mouth. Obviously, Marisa found the Internet. Hannah, even with her limited knowledge, figured out it must be something smutty by all the lingerie, the toys the garish background. Hannah shivered. Somehow, Marisa failed to lock the door; so she had to find something now for it was fate or the guardian angel looking out for her that the bedroom door was unlocked. Hannah wondered around the room; conscious of the time ticking away. Did not know how long Marisa would be and she had to hurry. She looked at the closet and found the box Marisa kept with her always. She took it down careful to arrange a box in front of it in case Marisa came back before Hannah could put it back. She sat on the carpet and looked through it quickly. She found a much thumbed address book and glanced through it. Marisa never mentioned any family and claimed she was an only child. She looked under the Marisa’s maiden name: Anderson and found 2 listings A molly Anderson and A Morgan Anderson. Maybe these were her sisters? Possible aunts? Maybe they might help. Molly Anderson had no address or phone number; but this Morgan had an address and telephone # in Alabama. Hannah did not notice a phone in the apartment most likely Marisa had a cell phone. She walked over to one of the computers and sat down in front of it. It was open to a browser and Hannah breathes a sigh of relief. It was not locked with a pass word. She map quest the address and found it was a good address; it was still a good one for one Morgan Anderson. A desperate idea formed. She had to get them to Morgan and all would be well. She felt it in her bones. Madison had tiptoed in there. Even with Marisa there, both were inhibited and afraid of the consequences of being caught in this sanctuary that was Marisa’s. “Yes. We have got to go there and soon. Hannah looked into Madison’s bright sapphire eyes and saw worry and anxiety. “Now, we got to leave now.’. She said quietly. We got to go soon.” With that, Hannah had to find a way to leave Durham North Carolina and head for Alabama. Hannah pulled the credit card and the money out from her pants and laid it out in front of her. A credit card with unknown credit limit and 750 dollars seemed a lot to her but what did she know. She looked at the web sites for bus, trains and airlines. The best one appeared to be the bus line; except for one minor detail: an adult has to be with them on the trip….